Fate is Cruel
by Agent HUNK
Summary: Ichigo's life sucks. No matter what, things just keep getting worse. Math class, Hollows, strange guys who can see Soul Reapers... Ichigo can't catch a break! And it gets worse! Unwanted guests, awkward family moments, and a very wierd Hollow. COMPLETE
1. Fate is Cruel

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Or Resident Evil. Glad we got that out of the way...

Hi, folks! I'm Agent HUNK! I will be your fan fiction writer for today. Sit back, relax, and enjoy (or try to enjoy) the show! Now, forgive me if I get anything wrong. I don't know everything about Bleach yet... But I shouldn't make any huge mistakes.

Please, feel free to tell me what you think. Even flames are accepted.

* * *

Ichigo's life sucked. Everything that could be wrong was wrong. He could see ghosts and spirits, he was essentially forced into becoming a Soul Reaper, monsters wanted to eat him every minute of every day, he had broken most of the Soul Society's laws, and now he was sitting in class on the verge of failing his Math Exam. Could things possible be worse for him?

**_Beedily-beep. Beedily-beep. Beedily-beep._**

Ichigo knew there would be an answer to that question. Slowly, he turned to face his "friend" Rukia, who had was reading the message they had received. The look she shot him made his right eye twitch. It was a Hollow. Here he was, failing a test, and a Hollow needed slaying. Ichigo's mind began to formulate a vast plan to get him out of class. Rukia would feign sick and get out of school. Then she would call Mr. Hat-and-Clogs, get him to pose as Ichigo's uncle, and take him out of class. But that would take to long. Instead, they would have to-

**_WHAM!_**

Everyone was so engrossed in their own tests that they didn't notice Rukia reach over, grab a handfull of Ichigo's orange hair, and violently slam his face into his own desk. They did, however, notice his body flop limply out of his desk and onto the floor. Before anyone could say a word, Rukia jumped to her feet. "I guess the stress was too much for him! I'll take him to the Nurses' Office!"

-----

Ichigo added a bump on the head to his list of problems. Rukia had thought quickly, but a few extra seconds of consideration might have been good. Actually, considering Rukia, it wouldn't have made a difference. "So where is it?" Ichigo asked Rukia as they walked down the sidewalk. Even in his Soul Reaper form, his head was throbbing.

"About three blocks ahead at a construction site," Rukia glanced at her cell phone/Soul Society link. "We've got 20 minutes."

Ichigo's eye twitched. "20 minutes? Our class would have ended three minutes ago..."

"Well, what if we had waited and run into a delay?" Rukia offered him a situation to think over.

"It doesn't matter... I failed that test anyway," Ichigo growled. He didn't even have to look at the smirk on her face to know that she had passed with flying colors.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the construction site. After 10 minutes of waiting, the Hollow finally showed up. It looked like some sort of wierd crab, but with a pair of tentacles instead of pincers. 'These things get wierder looking every day...' Ichigo sighed mentally. He unsheated his Zanpakto and prepared for the coming battle.

------

Now he stunk. He was drenched from head to toe in Hollow's blood, and it was starting to reak. "Phew..." Rukia waved her hand in front of her face. "You might want to change your close. Or take a shower. Or just stay a few feet from me."

"Wow, Rukia, that advice is soooo helpful," Ichigo sarcastically thanked her.

"Yeah, I know!" Rukia smiled. Sarcasm was yet another human trait she wasn't fully aware of yet. "I especially like the third one... What's wrong?" Rukia stopped walking. Ichigo was staring across the street at something. "What is it?"

"Who's that?" Ichigo pointed across the street. Sitting a bus stop was a man in strange clothings. Even compared to Soul Reaper garb it was wierd looking. Heck, it even made Hat-and-Clogs like like the King of Style. The guy was wearing a brown uniform, with a bullet proof vest, a gas mask, and helmet. Sitting next to him on the bench was a large breifcase. "Does he realize how stupid he looks?"

"I dunno..." Rukia stared at the guy, who was reading a newspaper. "Ichigo, wait!" she hissed at her Substitute, who raced across the street, narrowly avoiding a wayward taxi. Rukia sighed and followed after him. When she got across the street, Ichigo was bobbing and weaving around the guy, trying to get a good look at him. Rukia leaned against the bus stop sign and listened to Ichigo's comments.

"What's with the mask?" Ichigo pointed at the mans gas mask. "And the helmet? What is this guy, an army fanatic? I like the bullet proof vest, though. Some Kevlar would be helpful against Hollows..." Ichigo poked himself in the chest. "Anything is better than these stupid robes... Right, Rukia?" Ichigo continued to look at the guy, trying to figure out what his deal was.

"Is there something I can do for you?" the man suddenly folded his newspaper into his lap and looked up.

"Oh, I'm just waiting for the bus!" Rukia smiled politely at the guy.

"Oh, well it should be here in 5 minutes. But I was talking to the Soul Reaper," the man nodded his head at Ichigo, who turned pale.

His life had just reached its lowest point possible. "Huh?" Ichigo squeeked.

"What guy?" Rukia raised an eyebrow, playing dumb. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Please don't play dumb, I know he's with you. He's been rattling on about my outfit for the last 2 minutes," the man looked up at her through his red-lensed goggles.

"You can see me?" Ichigo waved his hand in front of the guy's face.

"Yes, I can," the guy batted Ichigo's hand away.

"How? Why? Did I miss something?" Ichigo tilted his head from side to side.

"Long story. My name is H," the man stuck out his hand.

"My name is Ichigo Kurasaki," Ichigo accepted the handshake.

"Substitute Soul Reaper?" the guy asked. Ichigo went pale again, and Rukia became visibly tense.

"How did-" Rukia tried to ask him, but a small chuckled cut her off.

"You've been sitting there all calm and collected, while this guy has been acting like an idiot. It is obvious that you gave him your powers..." H pointed at Ichigo.

"Idiot?" Ichigo growled. "Who are you talking an idiot?!"

"The guy who smells like a burnt, dead Hollow somebody dug up last night," H waved his hand in front of his mask. "Phew!" Rukia had to struggle not to smirk, while Ichigo's face went red with anger and a hint of embarrassment.

"Why you-" Ichigo's threat went unfinished, since Rukia grabbed him by the collar and started to pull him away.

"Cut it out, you idiot," she barked. "We need to get going..."

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!" H waved after them as the left.

-----

"You fool!" Rukia barked at Ichigo. "You need to be more careful!"

"Careful? How was I supposed to know he could see me!" Ichigo replied angrily.

"Somebody as wierd dressed as that has to have _some_ sort of power or something!" Rukia exclaimed.

"What?! You're just making up reasons!" Ichigo argued.

"You're just arguing for the sake of arguing!" Rukia yelled.

Across the street, an old man sweeping the sidewalk in front of his store watched in wonder as a young girl screamed at no one. She yelled at the air in front of her, oblivious to the fact that no one was there. "Huh?" the old man raised an eyebrow. After a few more minutes of screaming, she kicked the air in front of her and then began to stomp on nothing in particular on the sidewalk. She then stormed away angrily. "People get stranger and stranger every day..." the old man mused to himself.

-----

Ichigo didn't know what hurt worse. His pride, or his back. He had just been beat down by a girl. A girl smaller and weaker than him, in fact. His life sucked, and no matter how improbable it seemed, it kept getting worse. But now it seemed to have reached its limit. There was no way things could get worse. He hoped.

* * *

Love it? Hate it? Want to say something nice? Or immoliate me with flames? Tell me whatever you want in a review! It would be greatly appreciated... 


	2. Welcome Home

Hello, hello! It seems people like this story! Excellent, I'm glad to know that.

If you need to see pictures of Agent HUNK, check my bio. I found a few good links... They will be very helpful for this chapter, actually. You know, just in case my descriptions suck...

Remember, I don't own Bleach, Resident Evil, or anything like that. I am but a humble fan fic writer...

Enjoy the story!

* * *

It had been established that Ichigo's day sucked. Math tests, Hollows, a wierd dude in gas mask, and a beat-down from Rukia had proven that fact. So, walking home from school with Rukia, Ichigo couldn't help but dread whatever was coming next. Battered and bruised, he looked over at Rukia, who was still giving him the cold shoulder. She had still been mad at him when he caught back up with her after his beating, and he had figured this out by recieving a black eye. Not wanting any further trouble, he resolved to apologize. 

"Rukai..." Ichigo sighed. She didn't respond, but instead kept walking. "I'm sorry." Rukia slowed down slightly, but remained silent. "I said I was sorry," he repeated with a louder tone.

"I heard you," she replied. The temperature around her dropped greatly.

"So you're going to stay mad at me, then?" Ichigo asked. No answer. "Hmph," he grunted. "Alright then..."

And so they continued their journey back to Ichigo's house. Without a word, they walked down the sidewalk and neared his front door. He would go inside, check to see what his family was up to, and then go open his window for Rukia to crawl through. It was the same plan as always. Now he just had to go inside, act normal, and-

**_SLAM!!!!_**

"ICHIGO!" the door flew open, revealing the infuriated form of Isshin Kurasaki. "WE NEED TO TALK!"

Ichigo assumed a fighting stance, while Rukia stood rooted to the spot in terror and shock. "ABOUT WHAT?" Ichigo roared.

"SEVERAL THINGS!" Isshin barked. "YOUR SCHOOL CALLED!"

"Uh oh..." Ichigo knew this was going to end badly.

"They told me you got into a fight," Isshin pointed at Ichigo's black eye. "WHILE SKIPPING SCHOOL!" he threw a punch, which Ichigo easily ducked beneath. "Ooooh, nice... BUT... They also said you were skipping school... WITH HER!" Isshin pointed at Rukia, who was still standing dumbstruck a few feet behind Ichigo.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OLD MAN!?" Ichigo screamed.

"It wasn't that hard for me to put two and two together..." Isshin stated grimly. Ichigo and Rukia both stared at him in shock. "I should have known by now... How could I be so blind...? With the information your school gave me, I was able to figure out EXACTLY what is going on!"

"And that would be?" Ichigo's eye twitched for the 18th time that day.

"YOU BOTH SKIPPED SCHOOL!" the burning flames of Hades raged in Isshin's eyes, "AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY!" He threw several punches at Ichigo, which he easily dodged. "AND YOU DID IT TO GO ON A DATE!" he pointed an accusing pinger at Rukia, who blushed slightly, but was still confused as to what was going on, "AND THAT MAKES ME HAPPY!"

"What?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"YOU'RE FINALLY STEPPING UP AND BEING A MAN, SON!" Isshin gave Ichigo a bone-crushing hug. This lasted approximately 2/3 of a second before Ichigo threw him off.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!" Ichigo screamed.

"But..." Isshin scrambled back to his feet, "YOU GOT INTO A FIGHT! AND THAT MAKES ME MAD!" He attempted to kick Ichigo in the face, but Ichigo grabbed his foot and hurled him to the ground. "But..." Isshin got back up, "YOU DID IT TO PROTECT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!" Isshin pointed at a still dumfounded Rukia once again, "AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD!"

Once more, Isshin gave Ichigo a hug. "I'M GLAD I RAISED YOU UP TO BE A GENTLEMAN, SON!"

"GET OFF ME!" Ichigo hurled Isshin into a nearby tree. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Ichigo..." Rukia waved at him, catching his attention. "There's no use hiding it anymore. He obviously knows the truth..."

"Eh?" Ichigo squeeked. He thought Rukia was going insane, but a wink from her told him otherwise. "Oh... yeah... I guess you're right, Rukia..."

"I KNEW IT!" Isshin jumped back to his feet. "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU SON!" he sobbed as tears of joy ran down his face. "But you're grounded for skipping school," he stated with a smile.

"GYA!" Ichigo screamed in frustration. "WHY ARE YOU SO WIERD?!"

"Because that's how dads are supposed to be!" Isshin laughed. "Now come inside. There is somebody I want you to meet. Rukai can come in too, of course."

"Huh?" Ichigo stared at his father, then smirked. "Did you hire a Psychologist or something?"

"Actually, yes," Isshin replied, causing Ichigo's face to contort into a confused grimace. "He's got osme experience in the field... But I hired him to do odd jobs around the clinic. Come on, he's in the living room..." Isshin went on inside, leaving Rukia and Ichigo both standing confounded by everything that had just occured.

"Why me?" Ichigo sighed.

Rukia shrugged. "I dunno. But we might as well play along, around your Dad and family at least..."

"Oh?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Why don't we just erase his memory?"

"We've done that 27 times," Rukia frowned. "Any more and we may start deleting important things along with the memories, like how to talk, or walk, or-"

"If we can un-potty-train him, I will do it as many times as it takes," Ichigo grinned wickedly.

"Lets not go down that road..." Rukia shook her head. "Come on, we might as well go on in..."

------

Ichigo and Rukia walked into the living room, expecting some old bald guy or something. Instead, they found Isshin talking to a guy in a brown suit and red tie. He had short blonde hair, a beard, and green eyes. "Ah, the lovebirds are here!" Isshin grinned, causing Ichigo to grind his teeth. "Meet our newest employee... Our only one, actually..." The man stuck his hand out to Ichigo.

"Hello," Ichigo accepted the handshake, and felt a strange sense of Deja Vu. "I'm Ichigo Kurasaki."

"And I'm Mr. Hunt," the man smiled. Ichigo immediatly recognized the voice.

"Y-y-y-YOU!" Ichigo pointed his finger directly in the man's face. "ITS YOU! THAT "H" GUY! WHY ARE YOU HERE!?"

"ICHIGO! THAT IS NOT HOW WE TREAT GUESTS!" Isshin jumped in the air and delivered a spinning roundhouse kick to the center of Ichigo's face, sending him soaring across the room and into a wall.

"It's alright..." Mr. Hunt smirked, "He has me confused with somebody else. Isn't that right, Ichigo?"

"Grrr..." Ichigo growled at the man from his upside down position against a wall. After a few seconds, Mr. Hunt winked.

"_Right_, Ichigo?" he repeated.

"Grrr... Yeah... Sorry..." he could barely bring himself to say those words out of sheer anger. 'Why is this guy here?! He's a total wierdo! And now he's working for us?! He's probably enjoying watching me suffer!' Ichigo thought.

"Well then!" Isshin clapped his hands together, "I'll go get Yuzu to fix us up something to eat! Play nice!" And with that, Isshin darted from the room.

"Soooo," Mr. Hunt helped Ichigo off the floor. "I sense we got things off on the wrong foot, Mr. Substitute Soul Reaper..."

Ichigo's day was like a bottomless pit. Now matter how far down it seemed to go, it continued to decend further.

* * *

Poor Ichigo. He just can't catch a break! 


	3. Dinner and Destruction

Yay, people love my story! And do not worry, it is not a Gary Stu. I hate those, and there will be very little romance/fluff/etc in this story. Unless I have a mountain of reviews asking for pairings... Then I may reconsider.

Sorry, I got a little side-tracked. Lets go ahead and get to the story...

* * *

If Ichigo's life had been a plane, it would have been going into a nose-dive. A spiraling, flame-wreathed nose-dive into an oil refinery. While waiting for Yuzu to fix dinner, he and Rukia had spoken with H. They had learned a few things before his dad came in with a wedding-dress magazine and starting talking about thinking ahead. H could see Soul Reapers, and he knew a thing or two about Hollows. It seemed H excelled in killing non-human things, according to himself. He had come to their town to look for a job and learn about Soul Reapers and Hollows. 

Lucky Ichigo happened to be the first Soul Reaper he met. And, in a twist of irony, his father had hired him earlier that day. He had been waiting at the bus stop for a ride to the Kurosaki Clinic, as it turned out. Also, it seemed that Hunt was not his real name, but only an alias. His real name had not yet been revealed, so they only knew him as H. And Ichigo hated that name. 'Who goes by a letter? Unless they work for the British spy people or something, it made no sense!' Ichigo thought.

Now they were all sitting down in the living room, waiting to eat. "Dinner will be ready in a minute!" Yuzu yelled from the kitchen.

"Excellent!" H clapped his hands together and smiled. He didn't notice the death glares Ichigo kept shooting him.

"My daughter is such a good cook!" Isshin exclaimed. "She basically runs the house. She has ever since..." Tears welled in his eyes, and he glanced over at the huge poster of his wife.

"I'm sorry for your loss," H comforted his new boss, slightly creeped out.

"Thank you!" Isshin went back to his happy, smiley self. "Soooo... Ichigo..."

"What?" Ichigo fixed his gaze on his father. He knew this wasn't going to be a fun conversation.

"How long have you been dating Miss... Miss..." Isshin looked over at Rukia. "What did you say your name was?"

"Rukia Kuchiki," she bowed, "And we've been dating for a few weeks now."

"How did I not know this?" Isshin sighed. "A father should always know what is going on in his son's life!"

"No he shouldn't!" Ichigo barked. "There's something called "Privacy", you know!"

The door to the kitchen flew open the moment he finished that statement, and Karin leaned through the doorway. "Dinner's ready!" she smiled. 'And perfect timing, too. They were about to start fighting!' she thought to herself.

"Huzzah!" H exclaimed. "I'm starving!"

A few minutes later, everyone was busy stuffing their faces. Ichigo and Rukia were, of course, sitting next to each other. Across from them sat Karin and Yuzu. H and Isshin sat at the opposite ends of the table. "This is good," H complimented as he shovelled rice into his mouth.

"Yeah!" Rukia agreed.

"Thank you," Yuzu bowed meekly.

"So, Ichigo..." Isshin sipped his tea casually, "Continuing our conversation..."

"Uh oh..." Ichigo looked over the rim of his own glass.

"Where did you two meet?" Isshin smiled.

"School," Ichigo replied bluntly.

"How did it happen?" his dad smiled.

"We sit next to each other in class," his voice was saturated with annoyance.

"Aw, how sweet..." Isshin clapped his hands together.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO EMBARRASS ME!?" Ichigo slammed his fists on the table.

"Uh oh..." Yuzu, Karin, Rukia and H all leaned back from the table.

"NONSENSE!!!" Isshin slammed his palms on the table and stood up. "I AM NOT TRYING TO EMBARRASS YOU!!!" Isshin then sat down calmly and took another sip of his tea.

"Hmph..." Ichigo growled.

Isshin smirked. "If I was, I would ask something like "How many times have you two made sweet, passionate love to each other?" or something like that!"

Chaos erupted. Rukia choked and spat out her tea, spraying it all over Karin, who sat there dumbfounded. Yuzu clapped her hands over her ears, shocked at what she had heard. H fell out of his chair laughing. Ichigo, his face red with anger and embarrassment, dove over the table and tackled his father. They both fell to the floor, throwing punches and kicking their feet. Rukia attempted to apologize to Karin, who was too busy yelling at Ichigo and their father for being idiots to notice Rukia. Yuzu attempted to eat her dinner calmly, and H watched as the room degraded into a state of anarchy.

10 minutes later, Isshin and Ichigo were both out cold. Karin had beaten them over the head with a plate, of course. Rukia, H, and Yuzu were done eating and were having a friendly conversation about the weather. "Does this happen often?" H pointed at the father and son sprawled out on the floor.

"Yes. Quite often..." Karin sighed.

"What happened?" Ichigo sat up. He now had another black eye to coincide with his old one.

"You and dad ruined dinner," Karin replied.

"Oh..." Ichigo shrugged. "Sorry 'bout that."

"So are you going to answer that question?" Isshin sat up suddenly.

"SHUT UP YOU OLD PERVERT!" Ichigo spun around and landed a punch in the center of his face.

"Ouch..." Isshin fell back down.

"This is normal..." Yuzu informed H.

"Remind me to eat dinner here more often..." H smirked.

"What a bunch of idiots..." Rukia stoicly sipped from her glass of tea.

---

"Ichigo, Rukia, Hunt," Isshin addressed them. They were all done eating now, and Karin and Yuzu had gone upstairs to play. "I need you to do some things for me."

"What kind of things?" Ichigo's eye twitched. He only had one thing on his mind right now: Patricide.

"I need two people to go pick up some medical supplies for me," he stated. "Rukia, H, I hope you don't mind doing me a favor," he pointed at them.

"No problem, Mr. Kurasaki," Rukia smiled.

"Sure thing, boss," H waved.

"Ichigo, I need you to stay with me and take care of a few other things," Isshin turned to face his son.

"Like what?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"Father-son things," Isshin smiled slyly.

'Great,' Ichigo thought, 'He wants to have a _talk_ with me...'

"Here's a map to the store!" Isshin handed H a piece of paper. "Better hurry, it closes in 30 minutes."

"No problem, boss," H opened the front door. "Come on, Miss Kuchiki. Lets go..."

"Alright. Bye Ichigo!" Rukia waved to him as she walked out the door. "Have fun!"

**_Slam!_**

"Okay son..." Isshin looked over at Ichigo, "Lets go to your room and have a nice, friendly discussion..."

'Where's a soul-starved Hollow when you need one?' Ichigo thought weakly.

Thus ended yet another horrible chapter in the horrible story of his horrible life.

* * *

Alright, that's the end of chapter 3 and the end of Ichigo's side of the story. Every 3 chapters, the perspective will change to a new character. Next chapter will be in Rukia's perspective. I hope you're all enjoying the story! Review, please! 


	4. Hollow Hunter

I'm in a creative mood, so here's chapter 4 sooner than expected. I hope you like it!

Also, I had one person say they don't want pairings, and one person said they wanted more Ichigo/Rukia stuff... I'll most likely keep it non-romancy, though. I suck at lovey-dovey stories...

On with the story!

* * *

Rukia had led an interesting life. Born and raised on the streets, adopted by one of Soul Society's most prestigous families, bred to be the highest quality of Soul Reaper, her life had been perfect. Then she met Ichigo. She lost her powers, was forced to live with her idiot of a Substitute, and the Soul Society was constantly breathing down her neck. And now she was running errands for Mr. Kurasaki with a guy named H who could see Soul Reapers. She felt like a character in one of those wierd comics she liked so much... 

"So... Miss Kurasaki..." H broke the silence as they walked down the sidewalk towards the store. They still had about 15 minutes, and it wasn't that far, so they were taking their time. "Or should I just say Rukia?" She didn't didn't responde. "How did it happen?" Rukia raised an eyebrow. "You know... Ichigo becoming your Substitute?"

"Long story," Rukia sighed. "And none of your business."

"Alright," H smiled, "I won't press the subject."

"What are you?" Rukia suddenly blurted out.

"Eh?" H raised an eyebrow. "What am I?"

"You aren't a Soul Reaper," Rukia pointed out, "So what are you then?"

"Long story," H smiled slyly. "And none of your business."

Rukia glared at him. "Alright then, what is it that you do?"

"Odd jobs," H put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the clouds. The sun was setting, and the sky was painted in a myriad of hues of orange and shades of red. "This and that."

"How do you know so much about Soul Reapers?" Rukia asked.

"This and that sometimes includes killing things," H replied.

"Killing things?" Rukia paused. "Soul Reapers?!"

"No!" H shook his head and smiled, "Hollows!"

"You've killed Hollows?" Rukia was quite curious about this guy now.

"A few..." H shrugged, "But I prefer to kill other monsters?"

"Other monsters?" Rukia didn't know what he was talking about.

"Zombies!" H's eyes flashed with excitement. "Vampires! Demons!" Rukia paled slightly. She'd read mangas about those things... "I'm kidding..."

"Oh..." Rukia exhaled the breath she had been absent-mindedly holding.

"About the demons, at least..." H muttered under his breath. He then took the map out of his pocket. "We've got about 2 blocks to go, and then-"

**_Beedily-Beep. Beedily-Beep. Beedily-Beep._**

H looked over his shoulder at Rukia. "Wassat?" Rukia was already checking her "cell phone" to see what the target was. Her expression changed to one of terror. "What's wrong?"

"RUN!" Rukia started to sprint.

"What?!" H stared at her like she was crazy, and then started to chase after her. "Why?!"

"We've got thirty seconds to get away from here!" Rukia yelled over her shoulder. "A Hollow is coming!" H picked up the pace.

---

Rukia and H hadn't stopped running until they were several blocks away. They had run past the store, and most likely wouldn't be able to get back to it in time. The sun had already set, and the day was giving way to the night. "Well..." Rukia panted as she leaned against a concrete wall, "I think we lost it."

**_Beedily-Beep. Beedily-Beep._**

"Don't tell me..." H grimaced in frustration.

"Twelve seconds?!" Rukia looked at the message. "IT'S CHASING US!" H had already started runnining. "WAIT FOR ME!" H suddenly stopped. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Rukia ran past him, only to stop herself. "Oh no..."

Standing in the center of the street in front of them was the Hollow. It looked much like a praying mantis, but with a Hollow's mask. "Soooo..." it crooned in a raspy voice, "You're the two spirits I've been sensing?"

"Rukia..." H whispered, "When I count to three... run..."

"Huh?" Rukia looked at H, then at the Hollow, and then back at H. H was slowly reaching his right hand into his suit.

"One..." H whispered. "Two..." A small clicking noise was heard.

"What are you doing?" the Hollow titled its head back and forth.

"THREE!" H pulled his hand out of his suti and threw whatever he was holding. Rukia watched as a small green sphere flew through the air, hit the ground, and rolled up under the Hollow. "RUN, RUKIA!" H screamed as he took off running.

Rukia did as he said. As she ran, shook looked over her shoulder at the Hollow. It roared, and dove forward at them. The monster made it about four feet before the small green object exploded, violently shredding the Hollow into pieces. "WOAH! WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"A grenade!" H yelled as he ran. "We've got three minutes before the Hollow regenerates!"

"Do you have any more Greenads?" Rukia mispronounced the name.

"Grenades, and no," H frowned. After they had been running for about five minutes, they slowed down and paused to catch their breath. By now, it was pitch black. The only light they had were the street lights. "I think..." H gasped, "We lost it..."

"I hope..." Rukia panted, "You're right..." Rukia suddenly narrowed her eyes. "Do you have a Spirit Form?"

"A what?" H raised an eyebrow.

"A Spirit Form," Rukia frowned. 'This guy is an idiot... He hunts Hollows, sees Soul Reapers, but doesn't know about Spirit Form?' she thought. "The form in which you fight Hollows."

"I guess so so," H shrugged. "Why?"

**_WHAM!!!!_**

Rukia's hand slammed into H's throat. She had intented to use her Soul Reaper glove to knock his Spirit Form out of his body. Instead, all she accomplished was choke-slamming the poor guy to the ground. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" H screamed from the ground as he began to cough uncontrollably.

"You said you had a Spirit Form!" Rukia took her hand off his throat. "I tried to release it from your body!"

"I'm already in Spirit Form!" he snarled. "It is my _only_ form!"

"Oh. Sorry about that, then..." she apologized. "But wait... You were in that body armor and stuff earlier, and now you're in a suit!"

H stared at her for a few seconds. "Um..." H ripped off his jacket and tie, revealing a bullet proof vest and a black uniform. "Ta-da?"

'How's he not burning up under all that clothing?' Rukia sweatdropped.

"I just changed into the suit on the bus..." H shrugged.

"But... Ichigo's family can see you!" Rukia was confused. Vastly.

"The suit lets normal people see me," H grinned, holding up the suit jacket. "Quite an interesting invention... I ordered it from the Soul Society with all the money I got for killing Hollows."

'Sounds like something Urahara would make...' Rukia thought to herself. Then it hit her. "URAHARA!" she exclaimed.

"Bless you?" H took a step back.

"No, he owns a store! A store for Soul Reapers! Come one!" Rukia started to run. "It's three blocks from here!"

"Rukia, it's the middle of the night!" H started to follow her.

"He'll help us! I'm his best (and only) customer!" she grinned.

------------------------------------------------OMAKE------------------------------------------------------------ 

Agent HUNK: Agent HUNK here! Yeah, I made an omake, just like in the anime, only a bit longer! I'll have them after every 3rd chapter for comic relief.

Ichigo: But this is the 4th chapter!

Agent HUNK: SHUT UP! ((dropkicks Ichigo)) I forgot to write one for the last chapter!

Ichigo: It's not my fault you're a loser writer! ((tackles Agent HUNK)).

Rukia: ((watches them wrestle)) Idiots...

Urahara: ((pops up)) Hi folks! I finally show up in the next chapter. I'm sure you've all been dying to see your favorite character...

Ichigo: Somebody's got an ego...

Agent HUNK: Well, he's _my_ favorite character at least...

Isshin: ((pops up)) YOU CALL THIS AN OMAKE! ((punches Ichigo and Agent HUNK))

Ichigo: ((goes flying)) WHAT DID I DO?!

Isshin: Omake's should be funny, and have skits and stuff. Like a dancing Hollow!

((In the background, a Menos Grande can be seen tap dancing.))

Isshin: Yeah, like that!

Agent HUNK: Why? Why did I write an Omake? Why?

Rukia: Because you're an idiot?

Agent HUNK: Yeah, that sounds about right...

* * *

Omake. Yay or nay? As for the story itself, I hope you're all enjoying it! Feel free to make suggestions! 


	5. Cash or Credit?

Chapter 5! Woohoo!

Oh, and if it hasn't dawned upon you yet, this is something of a self-insert sort of thing. Its not Agent HUNK from Resident Evil (Although that is a good idea...), its Agent HUNK, the guy who's story you're hopefully enjoying.

Omake was okay, you say? Hurray!

* * *

"Just a bit further!" Rukia gasped for breath as she and H turned a street corner, "There!" She pointed at a simple looking store. And much to their misfortune, the lights were out and the door was locked, or so it seemed. "Uh oh..." Rukia slowed down. However, H kept running. "What are you doing?!" 

"Going inside!" H yelled with a twisted grin. Still going full speed, he dove straight through the door. Whatever material it was made of, paper, wood, stone, it didn't stand a chance. Rukia gaped at the hole her ally had made. "You comin'?" H poked his head through the gap.

"Uhhhh..." Rukia ran over to join him. But just as she was about to step inside, H was struck over the head with a cane.

"What's going on here?" Urahara kicked H's body once it had hit the ground.

"Urahara!" Rukia yelled with mixed emotions. She was happy because he could save them, but angry because he had knocked out H.

"Yes?" the hat-headed salesman replied, "What can I do for you at this late an hour?" A devilish smirk decorated his face. "Do you need special services for your Gigai?"

'Pervert...' Rukia thought. "We need help!"

"Oh yeah? And who's this guy?" Urahara kicked H again.

"A friend of mine. He hunts Hollows, but doesn't have a weapon."

"Why's he need one now?"

"There's a Hollow hunting us!"

"That's a bit ironic..."

"Urahara, do something!"

"Alright, lemme think..." Urahara sighed, "How will you be paying for this purchase?"

**_WHAM!_**

"URAHARA!!!" Rukia socked her business partner, "STOP BEING GREEDY AND HELP US!!!"

"Alright, alright," Urahara nursed his swollen lip, "I'll put it on your tab." Rukia glared daggers at him. "I'm kidding..."

"Wha' happened?" H weakly raised his head.

"I knocked you out because you broke into my store," Urahara smiled.

"Oh. Put it on my bill!" H replied.

"Oh, I will. I will..." Urahara's eyes gleamed with happyness.

"You shouldn't have said that," Rukia frowned.

In the distance, the echoing howls of an angry Hollow filled the air. "Um, so what kind of weapons you need?"

"Anything!" Rukia exclaimed.

"Got anything big? And shiny? Preferably something that fires hollow-point rounds," H grinned.

"Hollow-point?" Rukia raised an eyebrow.

"I've never heard of that type of weapon," Urahara scratched his chin. "I'll have to make something and call it that, though..."

"Its not a weapon," H smirked, "Its a bullet. A bullet that makes a big boom! Don't ever get hit by one. It'll make whatever part you get hit at explode..."

"That's nice..." Rukia commented queesily.

"Sorry, I don't sell guns," Urahara shrugged.

"No guns?" H frowned.

"None."

"Chainsaw?"

"Nope."

"Grenades?"

"No."

"Lightsabre?"

"What?"

"Nevermind. Rocket launcher?"

"That falls under guns."

"No it doesn't..."

"Well I still don't have one."

"Gya!" H pulled at his hair. "Do you have a crowbar?!"

Urahara pulled a shiny red crowbar out of his jacket. "Here ya go."

"And why did you have a crowbar in your jacket?" Rukia raised an eyebrow.

"Fuesbox went out and the lid was stuck," Urahara pointed up at the ceiling lights.

"Oh... well I think he was being sarcastic about the crowbar..."

"No, no. This is perfect," H grinned wickedly.

-----

The Hollow was quite angry. It had been blown up and torn apart, and after regenerating from its injuries, it had resolved to rip those pesky humans apart slowly and savor their taste. The Hollow's mouth watered at the mere thought of eating them. Especially the girl, who gave off the faint aura of a Soul Reaper. As the Hollow followed their trail, it turned onto an abandoned street. What it saw caused it to stop dead in its tracks. "Huh?"

"Hi there!" H greeted it. He was standing in the middle of the road, leaning against a lightpole. He had removed his entire suit, and was now in his Kevlar and leather uniform. His arms were crossed, and the crowbar was hung on his left elbow. "I was wondering when you'd show up!"

"What is the meaning of this?" the Hollow hissed.

"Meaning of what? I want a fair fight," H shrugged.

"Fair fight?" the Hollow's face fell. "Fair fight?"

"Yes, a fair fight," H shrugged.

"Okay, then. I'll give you a fair fight!" the Hollow sneared. With a fierce howl, it dove at H. He dove out of its way and pressed himself against a wall.

"Hah!" H laughed.

"Move away!" Urahara motioned from the hole that had once been his door.

"Huh?" H looked over at him.

"Move away from my-"

**_KRAAASH!_**

The Hollow tackled H, and they both crashed through the wall behind him. "Shop..." Urahara's face fell. "My beautiful store..." he wimpered as tears welled in his eyes.

When the dust cleared, the Hollow was laying on the floor. H was standing on its neck, trying his hardest to pry the Hollow's mask off with the crowbar. It was not amused. "What. Are. You. Doing?"

"Trying to tear your face off?" H smiled nervously.

"And you expected that to work?"

"Yeah... kinda..."

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you," the Hollow frowned, "You'll make my IQ drop."

"Hey, that isn't- huh?" H stopped talking when Urahara suddenly walked over to them and placed the tip of his cane on the Hollow's face. The Hollow blinked dumbly, confused as to why there was a cane poking it in the nose.

"What are you doing?" it sneered.

"You damaged my store," Urahara growled, tightening his grip on his cane. "That'll cost you."

**_KRUNCH!_**

The Hollow roared in agony as Urahara impaled his cane through it's mask. H was thrown into the air and landed on top of Rukia, who had been hiding behind a bunch of cardboard boxes. "Ow..." they both grunted. The Hollow flailed and flopped around on the floor, snapping its claws at Urahara. But the shopkeeper just stood there, watching the monster die. The Hollow began to disentigrate, and just as its claws were about to crush Urahara's head, they dissappeared.

"Well, that was interesting..." Urahara picked his blood-drenched cane up off the floor. "How will you two be paying?"

"For the crowbar?" H held up the bent and battered tool.

"No," Urahara frowned, "The damages."

"WHAT?!" H and Rukia both hit the floor in shock. (A/N: Anime falls are funny...)

"I didn't do it!" Rukia pointed at H. "He did it!"

"What!?" H jumped to his feet. "You're the Soul Reaper!"

"You hunt Hollows!"

"That isn't my job, though!"

"Well you bragged about it earlier!"

"I wasn't bragging!"

Urahara's face fell further and further as the arguement continued.

"Well hunting monsters is still your job!" Rukia yelled.

"No, doing odd jobs is my job!" H retorted.

At this, Urahara's eyes sparkled. "Odd jobs?"

"Huh?" H turned around.

"I think I know how you can pay me back," Urahara grinned.

'Well, H did say he came was looking for a job...' Rukia smirked to herself.

* * *

I hope you're all enjoying it! Review, please! 


	6. Not What it Looks Like

Okay, seems to be a bit of confusion. This is NOT a Larry Stu. Just making that clear...

Lets see what happens next...

* * *

Rukia sighed as she approached the front door. They were two hours later, having be delayed by the Hollow and H making a deal with Urahara. Now they were back at Ichigo's house, worried about what was going to happen when they walked in. Rukia dusted herself off absentmindedly, then gathered her courage and knocked on the door. 

**_Knock-knock-knock._**

"Rukia?!" Ichigo threw the front door open. "Where have you been?! My dad has- WHAT THE?!" Ichigo jumped backwards when he saw H. Apparently the sight of a guy wearing blood drenched body armor with an old suit slung over his shoulder suprised him. "WHAT HAPPENED?!"

"Hollow," H shrugged.

"A Hollow?!" Ichigo seemed pretty stressed out.

"Ichigo, are you alright?" Rukia stared at her friend.

"No! But come on inside, my dad is asleep," Ichigo held the door open for them. "I told him you called on the phone, and Rukia had to go on home."

"What about me?" H asked.

"I told him you quit," Ichigo grinned mischeviously.

"Thanks... I save your girlfriend, and you cost me my job?" H glared at him.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Ichigo barked.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Rukia yelled.

H stared at the two Soul Reapers. "Okaaaay... If you say so..." H smirked.

Ichigo led his two "guests" back up to his room upstairs. The first thing they noticed was the imprint of a face in one of his walls. "My dad got on my nerves..." H explained when he saw Rukia and H staring at the wall.

"So, where am I sleeping?" H asked.

"Outside," Ichigo replied.

"Huh?" H raised an eyebrow. Without warning, Ichigo threw his window open, grabbed H, and hurled him bodily into the outside air. "Aaaaaaaaah!"

**_Thud!_**

"That takes care of that..." Ichigo slammed the window shut and clapped his hands together.

"Um, Ichigo..." Rukia tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hm?" Ichigo turned around. Sitting in the corner of the room was a very angry H. "WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?!"

"SPIRITS CAN WALK THROUGH WALLS, REMEMBER?" H roared. "YOU'RE THE DUMBEST SOUL REAPER EVER!!!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Ichigo dove at H and tackled him to the floor. Rukia sat down on Ichigo's bed and watched as the two men fought.

"Nii-san!" Kon suddenly popped up from under Ichigo's bed and wrapped himself around her chest. "You're back!"

"Hello, Kon..." she pulled him off and dropped him on Ichigo's pillow.

"You should have seen it!" Kon laughed, "I've never seen Ichigo's face get that red! Especially when his dad started telling him about-"

"SHUT UP!!!" Ichigo fought his way out of a headlock, losing his shirt in the process, and grabbed Kon. "NOT A WORD ABOUT THAT!!!" He threw Kon into the closet and slammed the door.

"WHAT'S ALL THIS NOISE?!" Ichigo's door suddenly flew open, revealing his pajama-clad father.

**_Dead silence._**

Isshin's eyes slowly shifted back and forth. First he looked at Ichigo, who was shirtless. He didn't see H, who had dove into Ichigo's closet the moment the door opened. Then he looked at Rukia, who was sitting on Ichigo's bed. It didn't even take half a second for his brain to register what he saw. "YOU PAID ATTENTION!!!!" he roared happily, tears of joy rolling down his face. "MY SON IS FINALLY BECOMING A MAN!!!"

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM YOU PERVERT!!!" Ichigo dropkicked Isshin through the doorway and then slammed the door shut. "AND ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!" he yelled through the door.

"SURE IT ISN'T!!!" Isshin's voice replied jovially. "SORRY TO INTERUPT!!!"

"ARGH!!!!" Ichigo yanked at his hair. "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS LIFE?!"

"I dunno," H poked his head out the closet door, "Rukia never told me how you became a Soul Reaper. But it may have something to do with th-"

"SHUT UP!!!" Ichigo roundhouse kicked H in the face, launching him back into the closet.

Rukia rolled her eyes. There was no use in commenting on the stupidity.

"Urgh..." H clawed his way back out of the closet. "So really, where am I sleeping?"

Ichigo growled. "You. Aren't. Staying. Here."

H glared at Ichigo. "I. Work. Here."

"No. You. Don't."

"Yes. I. Do."

"No. You. Don't!"

"Yes. I. DO."

"Why. Are. We. Talking. Like. This?" Rukia suddenly asked innocently. H and Ichigo stared at her. "Sorry..."

"I don't work here, eh?" H picked his suit up off the floor. "I'll be right back..." H walked through the door and left.

"Huh?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow. A few minutes later, he heard a knock on the front door. "No..."

"Hello?" Ichigo heard Isshin's voice.

"Hi, boss!" H's happy tone hurt his ears.

"Mr. Hunt, I heard you quit!"

"No, no! I said over the phone that I was quite delayed!"

"Really?"

"Yes sir. I guess the static on the phone was bad or something..."

"Well come on in. I'll make sure your sleeping arrangments are in order."

"Where am I sleeping?"

"Ichigo's closet. It's big enough to fit a person." Ichigo and Rukia stared at each other. "But you may want to wait a minute before you go in there."

"Why?"

"Ichigo and Rukia are-"

"SHUT UP YOU OLD PERVERT!!!!" Ichigo screamed. Silence followed.

"Doing their homework..." Isshin finished his statement.

"I see..." H replied.

"I hate them both. So much..." Ichigo shook his head.

"So... what do we do now?" Rukia asked.

"Mind erase?" Ichigo suggested.

"Might as well..." Rukia shrugged and went to get the memory-eraser out of the closet.

**_Knock knock knock!_**

"SONNNNN, CAN WE COME IN?" Isshin asked in a sing-song voice.

"Sure, come on in!" Ichigo grinned.

"HI THERE!" the door flew open. The moment Isshin walked in, Rukia spun around and hit the switch. A flash of light later, Isshin was sprawled out on the floor. H, back in his brown suit, stood in the doorway, a bit confused as to what had just happened.

"Excellent!" Ichigo smiled. "Now he won't remember us being a couple, or H working for him! Everybody wins!"

"Um, Ichigo..." Rukia held up the device. "The batteries are low. I only erased the last two hours... He still think we're dating, and he knows H works for him."

Ichigo stared at her, his face a mixture of sorrow and rage. "What?" he asked weakly.

"Good night, folks!" H waved as he slammed the closet door shut.

"Well..." Rukia shrugged, "I'll just take the bed then!"

"Huh?!" Ichigo stared at her as she made herself comfortable in his bed. "Where will I sleep?!" Rukia patted the floor next to the bed. "Great... just great..."

"What happened?" Isshin raised his head up and blinked a few times. Then he realized Rukia was in Ichigo's bed under the covers and Ichigo was still shirtless. He opened his mouth to scream something, but Ichigo's foot beat him to it.

"NO!!! GET OUT!!!" he yelled as he picked his dad up and hurled him out the door. "Rukia," he turned around, "I don't think-" Rukia was already asleep, and the sound of snooring was emanating from the closet. "Grrrrr..." Ichigo growled. "Forget it..." he flopped down on the floor. "The_ perfect_ end to the _perfect _day..." he muttered as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

------------------------------------------OMAKE-------------------------------------------------------

Isshin: ((tears streaming down his face)) MY SON IS FINALLY A MAN!!!

Ichigo: ((dropkicks Isshin)) SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!

Agent HUNK: Aw, how sweet. Family bonding...

Urahara: Lets see... You'll be working weekends for the next 5 months.

Agent HUNK: WHAT?! But I'm off on weekends for Mr. Kurosaki!

Urahara: I know. That's why you're working for me then!

Agent HUNK: Can't I just sell you Ichigo or something? ((grabs Ichigo))

Urahara: Hmmmm... ((surveys the prospective purchase))

Ichigo: ((punches them both)) YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!!

Rukia: You just now realized that? Wait, are you talking about me to?

Ichigo: Yes. I mean no!

Rukia: ((chokeslams Ichigo)) JERK!!!

Agent HUNK: Once again, my Omake is nothing but violence...

((In the background, the Menos Grande is now surrounded by a circle of normal Hollows, and he is breakdancing.))

Hollows: ((clapping hands)) GO GO GO GO!!!

Agent HUNK: And dancing...

Isshin: He's got style!

Agent HUNK: I give up... ((Walks away))

* * *

Oh, the insanity... 


	7. Rude Awakening

Blademaster513 deserves a cookie for realizing the Half-Life reference. But I'm out of cookies, so you just get coolness points. Sorry!

I don't own Bleach or any of its cotnents, Resident Evil or any of its contents, and thank God I don't own The Hitcher.

* * *

Ichigo's eyes fluttered open. He had been having the strangest dream. His life had taken another downward spiral, with his dad thinking he and Rukia were dating and some guy named H was living in his closet. Luckily it was all a dream. Ichigo took a deep breath and snuggled into the warmth of his electric blanket. Then a sudden realization dawned upon him. 

He didn't have an electric blanket.

Ichigo rolled over, confused as to where the warmth on his back was coming from. He was shocked at what he saw. Rukia was fast asleep against him, her eyes closed in peaceful slumber, and a small amount of drool running down the side of her face. Most people would have reacted calmly and done their best not to wake her up. But this was Ichigo.

"WOAH WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" Ichigo screamed, flailing his arms andtry to put some space between him and the Soul Reaper.

Rukia opened her eyes sleepily, wondering what all the fuss was about. Her eyes widened to their limit when she realized Ichigo was in bed with her. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she screamed, pushing him with all her strength.

**_KATHUD!!!_**

Over the side of the bed Ichigo sailed, dragging most of the sheet with him. "Urgh!" Ichigo grunted as he landed on his face.

Several loud thudding noises came from the closet. The door flew open, and H tumbled out screaming threats at random monsters. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?! IS IT A HOLLOW?! A ZOMBIE?! THE HITCHER?!" H brandished a large pistol. "LEMME AT 'EM!"

"AAAAAAH, PUT THAT AWAY!!!" Ichigo screamed as H held the gun much too close to his face.

"WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?!" Ichigo's door suddenly flew open. H screamed and dove back into the closet, crushing Kon as he poked his head out to see what was happening. Ichigo screamed and started denying whatever it looked like he had done. Rukia just sat there, curious about what was going on as well. Isshin looked at Rukia, and then at Ichigo sprawled out on the floor, tangled in blankets. Suprisingly, he spoke in a soft tone. "I guess Rukia likes her space..."

"Huh?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow. 'I noticed that...'

"I guess I shouldn't have tossed you on the bed with her..." Isshin mused.

"You did what?!" Ichigo growled.

"Well I came in last night to see if you were all doing okay, and I saw you had fallen on the floor. Not wanting you to get cold, I stuck you back in the bed!" Isshin clapped his hands together, "YOU LOOKED SO CUTE ASLEEP TOGETHER!!!"

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!??" Ichigo tried to get up and kick his dad in the face, but the tangled blankets around his feet caused him to trip.

"WHAT KIND OF ATTACK IS THAT?!" Isshin started stomping Ichigo on the head. Ichigo reached up and hurled his dad against the nearest wall.

"Are they always like this?" H whispered inside the closet.

"Yeah..." Kon replied.

"By the way... why are you a talking plushie?" H had forgotten to ask that question the night before.

"I'm magical," Kon lied.

"Okay..."

"Who are you?"

"I'm H. I do odd jobs."

"Like what?"

"Killing things and doing laundry."

"That's quite a resume."

"Yeah, I know..."

"What's with the gun?" Kon whispered, pointing at the pistol H was holding.

"This," H smirked as he held up the large pistol, "Can blow a Hollow's head clean off its shoulders."

"That is really disturbing and yet totally awsome!"

"Yeah, I know."

"Can I see it?" Kon reached for the gun.

"Wait, I don't th-"

**_KERBLAM!!!!_**

-----

Ichigo's eyes shot open. He was sprawled out on the floor, and he had a serious crick in his neck. 'A dream? It was all just a dream? Wait... was everything yesterday a dream too?' he wondered. The sound of heavy snooring echoing in the closet dashed his hopes. 'I guess not...' he frowned. Ichigo sat up and yawned, stretching his stiff arms.

"Good morning, Ichigo!" Rukia's voice made him jump. He spun about and found her sitting in his bed, a manga clutched in her hands. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up."

"Oh... sleep peacefully?" Ichigo asked nicely, trying to hide the frustration in his voice.

"Oh yes, quite well," she smiled. "You slept like a log. Your dad came in here earlier..."

"Oh really?" Ichigo's eye twitched. "What did he say?"

"He said something along the lines of..." Rukia clapped her hands together and tilted her head back, "OH YOUR SUCH A CUTE COUPLE! MY WIVE MUST BE SO PROUD UP IN HEAVEN!" she immitated Isshin perfectly.

"No kidding..." the twitch worsened.

"Yep... He told us to enjoy our weekend, too..." Rukia added.

"Oh right, it's Saturday..." Ichigo scratched the back of his head.

"SATURDAY?!" the closet door flew open, and H stumbled out. "I've got to go to work!"

"But you're off work today..." Ichigo growled.

"I mean for that Urahara guy!" H straightened his suit and ran his fingers through his messy hair. "Ah, screw it... He can see me anyway," H grunted, ripping off the suit and revealing his kevlar and leather uniform. "Now where did I leave my suitcase...?"

"I think I saw it downstairs in the living room yesterday," Ichigo growled.

"Great, thanks!" H ran out of the room. A few seconds later he returned with his suitcase and threw it on the floor. "Lets see..." he popped it open.

"Woah..." was all Ichigo could say. He was astounded that a man could fit that many guns in a suitcase. "What did you say you did for a living?"

"Odd jobs," H shrugged as he pulled his gas mask and helmet from the suitcase.

"Such as?" Ichigo eyed a rather large knife stuck in the corner of the suitcase.

"You know... Odd jobs! Painting fences, sweeping floors, exterminating monsters..." H adjusted the strap on his helmet after he put it on.

"Oh... okay..." Ichigo was now certain this guy was psycho. "What's this?" Ichigo pointed at a large revolver.

"Don't touch," H quickly plucked the gun from the suitcase.

"Hm?" Ichigo drew his hand back defensively.

"It's called the Broken Butterfly, and it can drop a Hollow with one shot," H bragged.

"Hah... I bet it isn't as effective as my Zanpakto," H boasted.

"Oh? Is that a challenge?" H tilted his head to the side.

"No!" Rukia jumped between them. "No Hollow killing challenges! We don't do those!" Clearly the whole fiasco with Ishida was still burnt into her memory.

"Hmph... It's alright... I've got to get to work at Urahara's place, anyway," H stuffed the Broken Butterfly into his belt, and then clipped a few grenades to his bullet-proof vest.

"For Hat-and-Clogs? Why?" Ichigo wondered how that had worked out.

"I owe him for a crowbar..." H held up the dented and twisted remains of the tool. "And a wall..."

"Oh..." Ichigo stared at him. "Have fun with that!"

"See ya!" H tossed the suitcase into the closet, and then walked over to the window. "If your dad asks, tell him I went to go see some relatives or something..."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it..." Ichigo smiled. 'I'll tell him he ran off and quit...'

"Bye!" H opened the window and dove out.

"Glad that's over with..." Ichigo muttered.

"You don't seem to like him that much..." Rukia commented.

"No way? What gave you that idea?"

"I can see the hatred burning in your eyes... from 10 feet away!"

"Hmph. So... what do you want to do today?"

"I dunno, you wanna-" Rukia was interupted by the door flying open.

"I KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO!!!" Isshin barged into the room.

"DO YOU ENJOY SPYING ON ME?!" Ichigo screamed.

"Good morning to you, too!" Isshin smirked. "I GOT YOU TICKETS TO A MOVIE!!!" Isshin thrust his hand into Ichigo's face, revealing 2 movie tickets.

"Eh?" Ichigo's eye twitched. His eye muscles seemed to be getting a serious work-out lately.

"I figured you'd both enjoy it!" Isshin stuffed the tickets into Ichigo's pockets. "YOU KIDS HAVE FUN!!!" And with that, he was gone out the door again.

After a few minutes, Rukia finally said something. "What's a movie?"

* * *

Okay, time to get them out of the house. Isshin is getting old... I'm running out of things for him to say and do. Hah... review, please! 


	8. Take Cover!

I dunno how long this story is going to be. I will probably end it between 10-15 chapters. I don't like writing long stories that much... After I get past a certain point, the quality of the story begins to decline. And I hate that...

But don't worry, I'll be writing another story once this one is finished.

* * *

"So... it's like a comic..." Rukia mused as she walked slowly behind Ichigo down the sidewalk. Her hand was on her chin, and her mind was deep in thought. "But the pictures... move?" 

"Yeah, something like that," Ichigo sighed. 'I've explained it five times, and she still doesn't understand the concept of movies...' he thought to himself, trying to keep his frustration under control. 'I'm sure she'll understand when we get there...'

"So how much further is it to the thetator?" Rukia asked.

"Its called a theater. And it's about 2 blocks further."

"We need to find an easier way to travel..."

"I know, but at least this is healthy..."

"What moobie did you say this was going to be?" Rukia mispronounced yet another word.

"Movie. And its some scary movie my dad thought we would like," Ichigo held up the tickets. 'Why he thought we'd like that, I do not know.'

"Scary? Why would we pay money to be scared?" Rukia raised an eyebrow.

"The same reason you read those cheesy suspense mangas," Ichigo replied. Rukia glared at him, but didn't say anything. "And because its just fun..."

"Hmph. Well, I don't see what the fun in it is. And it will take a lot to scare an experienced Soul Reaper like me!" Rukia boasted.

-----

"OHMYGOSH!!!" Rukia shrieked along with most of the audience. Popcorn flew through the air, and Rukia grabbed onto Ichigo.

'Well, I think I now know why Dad wanted us to see a scary movie..." Ichigo glanced down at Rukia, who was barely allowing him to breath. "Scared?" Ichigo grinned.

"No!" Rukia denied it, leaning back into her seat.

"Then why did you grab onto me?"

"The guy behind me kicked my seat, and I lost my balance!"

"Sure..." Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"SSSH!!!" several people around them hissed.

"Sorry," Ichigo whispered. He returned his attention back to the movie. It was about vampires forming an alliance with some aliens to take over the world, and Big Foot was mankind's last hope... or something like that. Whatever it was, it was pretty cheesy. But it was also doing a good job of scaring everyone in the theater. Every few seconds, something would happen and everyone would scream. Ichigo had a feeling it would take him days to get all the popcorn out of his hair.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" everyone screamed as Big Foot was attacked out of nowhere by a Chupacabra. Rukia wrapped her arms around Ichigo again, holding onto his neck for dear life.

"Erk! Rukia!" Ichigo gasped. She didn't hear him over the sound of her own screams, of course.

That was how most of the movie went. Every time something remotely scary happened, he found himself unable to breath. By the time the movie was over, his entire neck was one huge bruise. "That was a good movie!" Rukia chimed happily as they left the theater. "I liked it!"

"I can tell..." Ichigo replied raspily.

"Are you alright?" Rukia looked at her friend.

"Throat hurts," Ichigo pointed at his neck. There were bruises around most of it. "You have a tight grip..."

"Sorry," Rukia smiled innocently.

"Its alright... Now what were you saying about not getting scared?" Ichigo smirked.

"What do you meam?" Rukia growled.

"The tough Soul Reaper was afraid of little aliens on the big screen!" Ichigo taunted her.

"I wasn't scared!" she growled.

"You were holding onto me for dear life!"

"That guy kept knocking me out of my seat!"

"That's no excuse to go and grab onto me!"

"I didn't want to fall on that nasty floor!"

"Sure... scaredy cat."

"WHAT?!"

"Scaredy cat!"

"Grrrr... I wasn't scared! I don't get scared! Nothing can scare me!" Rukia exclaimed. "ABSOLUTELY NOTH-"

**_KERBLAM!!!_**

"Ah!" Rukia jumped, hopping closer to Ichigo. "What was that?!"

Ichigo looked around. "It sounded like a gunshot..."

**_KERBLAM!!! KERBLAM!!!_**

Rukia jumped at each noise. "You seem a bit on edge..." Ichigo noted.

"Be quiet..." she hissed. "Where is that coming from?"

**_KERBLAM!!!_**

"Wow!" a familiar voice exclaimed. "That's amazing!" Ichigo and Rukia both recognized it as Urahara's.

"I didn't know we were near his store..." Ichigo looked around.

"Me neither... I guess we got turned around somewhere..." Rukia walked over to a fance. "Give me a lift..."

"Okay..." Ichigo walked over and held out his hands. "Step up."

"No," Rukia pointed down to the sidewalk. "Get on the ground."

"What?

"Just do it!"

"Okay, okay..." Ichigo got down on his hands and knees. Rukia stepped up on top of his back. "Erk! Heels!"

"Sssh!" Rukia hissed. She peered over the top of the fence and looked around. She realized that she was looking into the backyard of Urahara's shop. (A/N: Does it have a backyard? Oh well, if it doesn't, it does now!)

"What do you see?" Ichigo grunted. The pain of Rukia's shoes digging into his spine was driving him crazy.

"Um..." Rukia didn't know what to say. Urahara and H were standing next to each other by the shop. Somebody had set up several cardboard and wooden targets made to look like Hollows. Most of them were missing their heads. Rukia also noticed the large smoking pistol H was holding. "I think he's showing off that gun of his..."

"What did you say the name of that gun was?" Urahara stared at the weapon.

"The Broken Butterfly," H grinned. He then aimed at another target. Rukai gasped. It was right in front of the fence.

"GET DOWN!!!" she dove off of Ichigo and laid down on the sidewalk.

"Huh?" Ichigo raised his head up a bit. "What?"

**_KERBLAM!!!_**

A large section of fence just above Ichigo's head exploded. "GYA!!!" Ichigo sprawled backwards, trying to get away from the cloud of wood, smoke, and splinters. "WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!"

"Hm?" H stuck his head through the hole in the fence. "ICHIGO?! RUKIA?! I'M SO SORRY!!!"

"You friggin' psycho!" Ichigo yelled. "You tried to kill us! You should be more careful!"

"And you shouldn't spy on people," Urahara's voice crooned.

"Errr..." Ichigo didn't have a comeback for that.

"What are you doing?" Rukia stood up and dusted herself off.

"Showing off my gun," H spun the revolver around in his hand.

"He wasn't kidding about those hollow point bullets..." Urahara commented.

"Ehhh..." Rukia surveyed the damage to the fence. "I can see that..."

"What brings you out here, anyway?" H asked.

"We were walking home from a movie," Ichigo replied.

"AWWWW!!!" Urahara exclaimed from behind the fence. "How sweeeeeet. They went on a little date together!"

"CAN IT, HAT-AND-CLOGS!!!" Ichigo punched his hand through the wooden fence like it was tissue paper.

**_Thud._**

"I'd say he canned it..." H replied.

* * *

Awwwww, well idn't that cuuuuuuute?

BUT ITS WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!

Sorry, old reference to an old cartoon. Nobody got that, probably... Oh well. Review, please!


	9. All Shook Up

Eh... Somebody asked if this story has a plot. Yes and no. It started out without one, but I'm going to use a story idea I thought would suck. But I might as well use it.

If you are wondering WHY the following events occur... me and my friend got bored after watching Bleach a few months ago and started thinking of random fan fic ideas...

I'm probably making no sense. Just sit back and enjoy the bizarre show.

Disclaimer: Right, I'd better point out that I do not own Elvis, Nirvana, Kurt Kobain, or Bleach. So no lawsuits!

* * *

"How was your date?" Isshin peeked over the top of his newspaper as Ichigo and Rukia walked into the living room. Ichigo slowly turned his head towards his father and glared daggers. Rukia shrugged. "Aw... was the movie not good?" 

"There's still popcorn in my hair," Ichigo grumbled, plucking a piece of the snack food from his orange hair.

"It was good," Rukia told Isshin kindly.

"Great!" Isshin smiled. "I hear the sequal comes out next month!"

"No thanks," Ichigo grumbled, heading up the stairs. He wasn't seeing any more scary movies with Rukia. His ears hurt and his neck was killing him. The fiasco with Urahara and H hadn't been a walk in the park, either. He had splinters in his right hand from punching through the fence, and his left hand was bruised from punching H in the face. He didn't really have a reason for hitting H... It had just been a spur of the moment thing.

"Are you alright?" Rukia asked Ichigo as she followed him into his room.

"Never better," Ichigo replied as he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Oh..." Rukia sat down on the floor next to him.

"NII-SAN!!!!" Kon pounced from the closet and latched on to Rukia. "I MISSED YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!"

Ichigo grabbed Kon by the tail and plucked him from Rukai's chest. "That's annoying... SO STOP!!!" Ichigo hurled Kon back into the closet.

**_Beedily-Beep. Beedily-Beep._**

"What is it?" Ichigo sighed.

"A Hollow is going to appear across town in thirty minutes..." Rukia checked the report. "We'd better get going."

'I can't catch a break. No matter what, I just can't...' Ichigo sadly shook his head.

---------

Twenty-seven minutes later, Ichigo and Rukia were sitting in front of a music store. "Is this the place?" Ichigo looked around. Unsheathing his Zanpakto, he prepared for battle.

"I think so..." Rukia checked the report. "Hmmm..."

"What?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow.

"The information on this Hollow is interesting... He's very powerful..." Rukia stared intently at the communication device.

"Oh really?" Ichigo smirked. "Not too powerful for me, I hope..." The sarcasm in his voice was apparent.

"No..." Rukia shook her head. "He should be easy for you. But... he's from America, it seems..."

"America? Who the heck is he?" Ichigo was confused.

(A/N: This plot will make no sense. Like I said, me and my friend were bored. It should be good for laughs, though...)

"Somebody named Elvis Presley," Rukia shrugged. Ichigo fell flat on his face from shock.

"ELVIS?!" Ichigo jumped back to his feet. "I HAVE TO KILL ELVIS?!"

"Who's Elvis?" Rukia calmly asked.

"He was a famous American rock star! Why's he here?!" Ichigo couldn't believe what he was hearing. Elvis Presley, the father of Rock and Roll, was a Hollow. And he was in Japan. Where was the sense in that?!

"I dunno. I guess he worked his way over here while killing and eating... He's killed five Soul Eapers over the past few months."

"Five Soul Reapers?! Are you serious? Elvis is a super-tough Hollow?"

"I don't see what the big deal is. You've wounded a Menos Grande, so why should this be a problem?"

"I dunno..." Ichigo shrugged. "Its just... Elvis?"

**_CRASSSSSHHHHH!!!!!!_**

The window in the music store exploded as some poor guy was hurled through it. "EAAAAAAGGHHH!!!" he screamed as he soared through the air and landed at Ichigo's feet.

"Well, time to kill the King..." Ichigo sighed.

--------------

"Such a slow day..." Urahara waved his fan in front of his face, trying to keep cool during the mid-summer day's heat. The fusebox was still a bit twitchy, so the air conditioning was out. H's first assignment was to fix it. Urahara had figured H could handle it, but...

"MEOOOOOOOWWWWWWRRRRR!!!!" the howl of an angry cat filled the store. Urahara had to step back to avoid being run over by the rampaging feline as it tore through the doorway out of the store's back rooms.

"What's wrong Yuroichi?" Urahara asked softly as he picked up the small black cat.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" H suddenly burst through the doorway. "I was tired, so I sat down on a crate! The cat was sitting there, and I didn't see it! I'm sorry!"

"You sat on Yuroichi?!" Urahara stared at his employee. The cat hissed at H.

"It was an accident! I'm sorry!" H exclaimed.

"Well... it doesn't look like Yuroichi's hurt..." Urahara examined his pet.

"Oh... good..." H let out a sigh of relief.

**_RWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!_**

Urahara, H, and Yurouchi all looked up. They listened keenly to the distant howling. "What was that?" H asked.

"A Hollow, of course..." somebody replied.

"Who said that?" H looked around.

"I did," the cat in Urahara's arms waved its front paw.

"Uh..." H stared at the cat. "Did that thing just talk?"

"Thing?" the cat glared. "I am not a thing! I'm Yuroichi!"

"Okay, you're a talking cat named Yuroichi, who knows about Hollows," H looked up at Urahara, "I love this town!"

"So how close do you think it is?" H asked no one in particular. He didn't feel... normal... asking a cat questions.

"A few blocks from here. I can sense Kurosaki's spirit energy... as well as the Hollows," Yuroichi replied.

"Should I go check it out, boss?" H crossed his arms and waited for an answer.

"Hm..." Urahara thought for a second. Yuroichi nodded. "I guess so. Just to make sure Ichigo keeps everything under control. Make sure not to interfere in his job too much..."

"No problem, boss," H nodded and took off out the front door. "I'll be back as soon as possible!"

"He's gonna get stomped..." Yurouchi commented once H was gone.

"H or Ichigo?" Urahara raised an eyebrow.

"Both..." Yuroichi sighed.

-------------

"Alright, lets see..." H ran onto the street all the noise was coming from. "Ichigo and Hollow should be around here some-"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Ichigo flew through the air, soaring directly over H's head.

"Where..." H added meekly.

"What are you doing here!?" Ichigo yelled as he scrambled back to his feet after hitting a telephone pole. The pole had broken in half, but Ichigo showed no signs of injury.

"I came to watch. I wanted to see how well you did against a Hollow," H shrugged.

"This may be a bad example!" Ichigo barked.

"Why?" H tilted his gas-mask clad head to the side.

"Look behind you..." Ichigo pointed out. Turning around slowly, H found himself face to face with the Hollow Ichigo had been fighting.

"Is that Elvis?" H blinked dumbly. Sure enough, the large humanoid beast shared a striking resemblance. His body, while mostly grey, had white tassles dangling from the arms and torso, much like Elvis' old shirts. And while he was wearing the usual Hollow mask, the trademark Elvis hairdoo was strikingly obvious.

"Yep..." Ichigo answered.

"Oh... Okay, just checking..." H slowly took a step back. "Um... Hi, Mr. Presley?"

"Are you..." the Hollow's hoarse voice petrified their souls, "a fan..."

"Of you?" H asked.

"Kurt Kobain?" the Hollow finished the question.

"Um..." H scratched his head, "Yeah, I suppose. Nirvana is cool. Why do yo-"

**_WHAM!!!!_**

H was sent sailing by a swift backhand to the face. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

"CURSE YOU, KURT KOBAIN!!! MY FANS HAVE ALL ABANDONED ME!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS BETRAYEL!!!!!!" the Hollow bellowed.

"Did I miss something?" H gasped as he climbed out of the bush he had landed in.

"Um..." Ichigo raised his sword, "Elvis is a Hollow, you just got smacked down, and I'm about to kill the King."

"Okay, that works..." H nodded dumbly.

* * *

Kill the King? What is this, a game of chess?

If you don't understand, Kurt Kobain is more famous than Elvis now according to the newspapers. So me and my friend figured Elvis would get so sad he'd become a Hollow and go on a mass Nirvana-fan killing spree. I know, stupid. But still funny...

Yeah this story sucks. Don't worry, it'll end once Elvis has left the building.

Sorry, had to say it... :)


	10. Checkmate

I know, Elvis was random. But it was funny, at least!

Okay, lets see... I migth as well wrap this thing up. I need to start thinking about my next one... If you've read my newest Hellsing story, you'll know what to expect. :)

Special thanks to all the folks who read, reviewed, and re... re... I can't think of anything else good that starts with re... Ahem, anyway... THANKS, FOLKS!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Resident Evil, Elvis, Kurt Kobain, Nirvana, Final Fantasy, or anything else for that matter. So please don't sue me!

* * *

Ichigo's life had reached the apex of bizarre. Things had been bad enough. But now he had to fight Elvis. Elvis! THE KING!!! How was he supposed to do that? It should have been easy. Chop, chop, the job is done. But... Elvis? He didn't know if he could kill such a well respected and greatly loved celebrity. 

"ARE YOU GONNA HELP OR WHAT?!" H screamed at Ichigo, waking him up from his deep musing.

"Huh?" Ichigo shook his head. "Oh, right!"

"HELP ME, DANGIT!!!" H yelled angrily. Elvis, being a Hollow and whatnot, was now clutching the poor guy in his hands, holding him up in the air. Elvis slowly opened his mouth, thick saliva dripping down from his Hollow's teeth. H's began to struggle even harder. "OH SNAP HE'S GONNA EAT ME!!!"

"SHUT UP AND STAND STILL!!!" Ichigo dove into action. Rushing forward, his Zanpakto held high above his head, Ichigo let out a fierce battle cry as he charged at the Hollow. However, it wasn't going to sit around and get killed. In the true Elvis fashion, he shook his hips and hopped out of the way. Ichigo couldn't stop in time, so he ran straight past him and into oncoming traffic. "OH CRAP!!!" Ichigo jumped up and over an approaching hot-rod, then landed on the roof of a truck.

"Hah hah hah hah..." Elvis chuckled as Ichigo played Hop-Scotch in traffic. "Foolish Shinigami. You're no match for m-"

**_Cli-click. _**

"Huh?" Elvis turned his attention back towards the writhing hostage in his hands. "What are you doing?"

"Um..." H stared up at the Hollow. "I was just... ya know..." H suddenly wrenched his right arm free and raised it towards the monster's face. Clutched in his hand was the Broken Butterfly. "Admiring the butterflies..."

**_KERBLAM!!!_**

Elvis rocked slightly as the shot ripped through his mask and obliterated most of his skull. Most Hollows would have died from a wound like that. But Elvis just smiled. "Stupid man. You can't slay me with such a weapon. It may have worked on a lesser Hollow, but I have devoured sveral Shinigami. I will be much harder to kill."

H watched in horror as the hole in his mask regenerated. "Well that's not good..." H gulped. "Um... Ichigo? HELP ME!!!"

"I'm on it!" Ichigo suddenly darted past them. Elvis blinked dumbly, confused as to why the Soul Reaper had run past them.

Then his arms fell off. "YEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!" he howled as his limbs dropped to the ground. H rolled free from their limp grasp and jumped to his feet. He promptly fired every bullet left in his gun into the Hollow. Weakened and wounded, Elvis dropped to his knees. Panting for breath, he looked up weakly at the faces of Ichigo and H.

"Elvis has left the building," Ichigo commented calmly as he brought his blade down upon the mask of the Hollow.

"Is it dead yet?" Rukia poked her head out from behind a nearby parked car.

"Yep," Ichigo clapped his hands together as the last remaining bits of the Hollow disintegrated.

"Thanks, Ichigo," H bowed. "You saved my life..."

"Don't mention it," the Soul Reaper replied in a less-than-polite tone.

"So... why was that Elvis guy here anyway?" Rukia asked.

"Beats me..." H shrugged.

"HI RUKIA!!!!" Everyone jumped at the sound of Isshin's voice. Rukia spun around and stared at Ichigo's dad. "You here for the Nirvana Collection CD release, too?!" Isshin grinned merrily. He was wearing a "KURT BOBAIN ROCKS!!!" t-shirt.

"Um... yeah!" Rukia nodded happily. "But the store got robbed or something!" she pointed at the wreckage of the store, which was now on fire thanks to attempts of Ichigo and H to "save" it.

"Aw... that's too bad..." Isshin frowned.

"I am so glad he can't see us..." H whispered to Ichigo.

"No kidding," Ichigo nodded.

"So where is that son of mine?" Isshin put his hand up and scanned the area around them with his eyes.

"Oh, uh... He went to get me something to eat!" Rukia lied.

"Awww, that's my son, alright! Taking care of other's needs before him!" Isshin clapped his hands together, tears of proud joy running down his face.

"Actually," Rukia smirked, "He was hungry. He just said he'd get me something if he had the money."

Ichigo's jaw dropped. "No..."

"WWWWWHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!" Isshin roared. The flames of Hades burned in his eyes as anger raged within his soul. Rukia took a few steps back. "THAT NO GOOD, SELFISH, SORRY-EXCUSE- FOR-A-MAN, HORRIBLE SON OF MINE!!!!!"

"I know! You should have another talk with him. A _lonnnnnng_ talk," Rukia smiled.

"Oh don't worry," Isshin growled, "I will!" And with that, he stormed off.

A very tense silence followed. "Wellllll..." H started to tip-toe away. "My work here is done... time to head back to Urahara's shop... And I'll be living there now, so don't worry about my suitcase. Mr. Mustache Dude said he'd go get my stuff!" Ichigo wasn't even listening. "Right... bye!" H darted off.

"I hate you," Ichigo growled at Rukia.

"I know..." Rukia smirked as she started to walked away.

"So much..." he skulked after her. "So very much..."

"I know..." Rukia continued to smirk.

"There goes that crazy girl again, talking to herself and whatnot..." the old store owner across the street shook his head as he swept the sidewalk.

------------------------------------OMAKE-----------------------------------

-Elvis and the Menos Grande are Salsa dancing, while Ichigo and Isshin wrestle around on the ground.-

Agent HUNK: Well, I guess it's finally over...

Urahara: You still owe me a lot of money. -Hands Agent HUNK the bill-

Agent HUNK: Yen? No problem...

Urahara: No, I already translated it to US dollars.

Agent HUNK: -cries- Why me?

Rukia: Because you're a sorry excuse for an author?

Byakuya: -pops up- And why wasn't I in this story?

Rukia: Nii-san!

Agent HUNK: I dunno, I couldn't think of a way to fit you in. I wanted to, though. You're like the Sephiroth of Bleach...

Byakuya: -stares- The what?

Agent HUNK: Sephiroth...

Sephiroth: -appears- Did somebody call my name? -stares at Byakuya-

Byakuya: -stares at Sephiroth-

Agent HUNK: -grabs Rukia, Ichigo, Isshin, and Urahara and starts to drag them away- We need to run. Now.

Menos Grande: -does Mexican hat dance, oblivios to the massive battle raging behind him between the two guys with long hair- Aye, aye, aye, aye... Yo no canto buenooooo! Aye, aye, aye, aye... Pero yo bailo perfectoooooo! (I can't sing good, but I dance perfectly!)

* * *

Well folks, I guess that wraps things up. Unless of course I get a huge number of reviews... then I may consider a sequal... But anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the show! 

And I hope I got the Spanish bit right... The Menos Grande's dancing was a pun, considering his name is Spanish and all that... Yeah... I know you don't care...

SEE YA NEXT TIME!!!!!


End file.
